Bobbing Down the Great River of Life

Find Me at Erronia

2006-10-31T20:01:00.000-05:00

Boy, it has been so long I about forgot how to post. I have moved over to Wordpress - following my step-down-transformer Mark around. If you happen to land here, take a peak over there at (see below under picture) http://gribobber.wordpress.com/

What do you Give?

2005-12-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

Giving the World

The Christmas holidays are a time for giving. We give presents to our friends and family. We make those end of year donations to charities to get our tax credits. But why is it that we wait until Christmas to do our giving? Is it because of the retail blitz? Are we thinking of Jesus and what he gave because it is his recognized birthday? Why aren't we for giving all year long?

What do you give to in your life...all year long?

Where Have I Been?

2005-12-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

I have been languishing in my selfishness. I had clearly lost my center. I can at least see that I have one again, and am working my way back towards it. I have been too busy being critical of my husband's selfishness to see my own. My friend Joyce is a master at pointing that out. We had a long conversation on the phone a few days ago - one of the kind where on my end I am making faces at her, pulling the phone away from my ear - she was BLASTING me. But, I am thankful that I have a friend who will do that - it was what I needed.

I have also been caught up in all the changes at work - new boss, new position, trying to keep all my peeps busy while the new boss tries to get us all some more work. Worry, worry, worry.

So, hopefully I won't take another hiatus like that one. I'll be around to visit everyone over the next few days. I hope you are all well.

Winter Wonderland

2005-12-15T08:03:00.000-05:00

Mother Nature is merrily coating my house in ice and snow - it is beautiful. I love winter...as long as I don't have to drive in it. I'm a major winter driving weinie. Our driveway is fairly steep with a nice picturesue gully on one side. My visions of a careening car with a silently screaming driver, eyes clenched shut, going over the edge are just too real. If it even looks like snow, I stay at home. And boy is it coming down at the moment.

So what is the plan for winter? It will be a different winter for me. The first winter I am an orphan. The first winter that I have a major personal project. Perhaps the last winter in this house. It is a pivitol winter for the orchestra. What are you doing this winter?

What Kind of Friend do You Want to Be?

2005-11-13T22:50:00.000-05:00

Mark, Joyce, Sensei and I went to dinner tonight after the "warmup" BCO concert. We give a concert every season to the National Elks Home in Bedford because they give us practice space for free.

After the concert we went to Oiy's Italian restaurant. We had a very interesting time - hanging with Sensei always promises to be an adventure. Towards the end of the evening, Sensei told us about a song he was writing entitled What Kind of Friend do You Want to Be? So we were talking about that and he asked all of us what kind of friend did we want to be. It is an interesting question.

So...what kind of friend do you want to be?

Where is Mark?

2005-11-13T22:40:00.000-05:00

For those of you who frequent Building Bridges over the Great River aka Eternal Awareness might wonder where our buddy Mark has been.

He is alive and well, but has been on the road non stop for 3 weeks. I have to admit, as his immediate supervisor (hehe), that it is partially my fault. I committed him to a project that I knew was going to be harsh. So, please bear with him, he will be back soon. In the mean time - he is looking good!

Chinese Zodiac

2005-11-09T18:43:00.000-05:00

Chinese Dragon

What is your sign in the Chinese zodiac? I am an Ox - don't know whether I should be offended or not. Here is what one website said about being an Ox.

Ranking Order: second (damn! never first)
Hours ruled by the Ox : 1 am - 3 am (no surprise here, I have always been a night owl)
Direction : North-Northeast
Season and month : winter, January
Lucky stone: white onyx
Corresponds to Western sign : Capricorn (really? everything else says I am a Leo)
Fixed Element : water (I like that, I am very drawn to water)
Stem : negative (wonder what this means)
Greatest Affinity : Rooster, Snake
Greatest Enmity : Goat
The ox is born under the twins sign of equilibrium and endurance. The ox is both patient and meticulous with strong principles, and as such tends to be very stubborn. (yes, my mother would agree with this) The ox is extremely strong, and an excellent worker. However, these traits also make the ox stubborn, and their sense of self reliance makes it difficult for them to ask for or to receive assistance. Don't go looking for an evening of scintilating conversation from an ox as they are poor conversationists, and unfortunately don't have much of a sense of humour either. (I beg to differ with that last part!)
Oxen are ruled by conviction, and they are not often swayed from their beliefs. The ox's ability to criticise others for their own shortcomings is well known. (zing!) The ox is not very good at coping with its emotions, and can become introverted and self-destructive when they fail to find a way of expressing their feelings.
Another outward sign of the ox's self-reliance is its inability to share power, and its demand for loyalty from its friends. Born leaders, oxen work hard to achieve their goals. Unsuprisingly oxen make somewhat authoritarian parents, but are very strongly family minded. Relationships tend to be long term, and casual affairs very rare.

All in all I'd say this is pretty accurate.

GAC's Guide to Good Reading

2005-11-09T17:50:00.000-05:00

Yippee! Looks like the wonderful Rhombus has solved my computer problems!

Ok, here is the first installment of some of my favorite reading:

The Sparrow
Children of God

Both by Mary Doria Russell. Children of God is the sequel to The Sparrow so be sure and read them in order. This is the story of finding life on another planet. A cross section of people from Earth are chosen to go to this planet and check it out. The main character is a Jesuit priest, who is one of the chosen. The story in The Sparrow is told in flashback form, and you really don't find out the details until Children of God - but don't jump ahead as the story unfolding in The Sparrow is essential.

The Egyptologist by Arthur Phillips

Oh, the tale this book weaves! It is really clever. I'm not saying any more.

Sleepers by Lorenzo Carcaterra

This is a true story that has been made into a movie, and they did a fairly decent job of it. But I am glad I read the book first. It is the heart wrenching story of four friends growing up in Hell's Kitchen (NYC). A prank gone wrong changes their lives forever.

Adolf Hitler by John Toland

If you are interested in how the Holocaust could have ever happened, this book is a fascinating read. I have read a lot on Hitler and this one by far best tells his history and how he managed to gain control over so many people.

That's it for now. If you read like I do this will last you about a month.

2005-11-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

Congrats to Jim!

An Alter Ego

2005-11-07T08:29:00.000-05:00

Fishwife

For Jen

2005-10-28T13:07:00.000-04:00

Now this looks like a monkey to me. He's a bit cross-eyed, but never-the-less! The original fractal looks like he is swinging from a tree. Not sure why that didn't come thru when it was rendered.

Bedford Community Orchestra

2005-10-25T09:59:00.000-04:00

BCO's D-Day concert

Come one, come all! The next BCO concert is Saturday, November 19, 7:30pm at the Bedford Middle School auditorium in Bedford, VA.

We'll be playing Tchaikovsky's March Slav (whew that's fast), Sleeping Beauty Waltz, the Titanic film score, Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King, Manheim Steamroller's Stille Nacht (Emily's cello solo is sounding mighty fine!), and more.

It will be a blast...and its FREE!

A Galaxy Far Far Away

2005-10-21T08:42:00.000-04:00

Do you ever wonder if there is someone out there? If all those government conspiracy theories about aliens are true? If all those movies and TV shows are just figments of someone's imagination or actually where they visit when they sleep?

I think it is possible. Are earthlings really so egotistical to think we are the only experiment going? The bible says "as above so below". Is it really that big a stretch to think heaven has some sort of heirarchy to it where they assign lower level beings certain planets or galaxies? "You take Earth and the Milkyway, you take Coruscant and The Galaxy...report your progress in 2000 years".

2000 years later - "ok, you, report your progress on Earth." "My experiment is failing miserably. The people I created can't find their way back to me. I thought I was making it easy on them by putting the way right there inside each and everyone of them. I threw in some distractions in the outer world so it wouldn't be a gimme, but jeesh, that is all they focus on. Any suggestions? Anyone?" "Ok, you, Jesus, what is your idea? Great! Fantastic idea...go for it, report back in 2000 years. NEXT! Lets hear about Coruscant..."

Do you think I'm a whack job?

M.C. Escher

2005-10-13T09:43:00.000-04:00

A couple of my fractals lately have reminded me of an M.C. Escher drawing. I have been fascinated with his work since I was a kid - the optical illusion of it all. This second one didn't really translate to a jpeg very well. The original file shows the repetition better.

For some reason, seeing these couple of fractals has me thinking about the macro/micro holographic way life is. As above, so below. How outer stress factors cause inner sickness, or how an inner issue manifests itself as an outer thing. It is really very interesting. And equally interesting is how you can change one if you change the other. Do any of you have any experience with that sort of thing?

I have one I am working on. I have a thyroid problem - underactive - an inner problem. The thyroid energy is in the throat chakra. I also have a problem with public speaking - an outer problem - also affected by the throat chakra. My goal is to get off the Synthroid, because I have a hard time remembering to take it, and to be more comfortable doing public speaking. So I work on the energy of the throat chakra. There are a lot of things that stimulate this energy - singing, chanting, wearing blue, eating blue food (which there isn't much of), or food associated with blue (fish, flying fowl). I have also had a past life regression that showed me where this problem started (a bit over 1900 years ago so it has had time to fester!). I am making some progress in the positive direction. I am a lot more comfortable with public speaking. My worsening thyroid has stopped worsening - hasn't gotten better yet. But it is only monitored twice a year, so I am hoping on my next appointment my Synthroid dosage can be reduced.

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on this. I know before I had personal experience with it I was pretty skeptical.

What do you see?

2005-10-13T09:39:00.000-04:00

Tell me what you see in this fractal.

Unmasked

2005-10-04T17:22:00.000-04:00

Ode to New Orleans

A Mardi Gras Mask
Hid the Face of New Orleans
Now it is Exposed

Get RID of it

2005-10-04T16:56:00.000-04:00

Purge

I spent the day purging my office of CRAP. At one time it was all useful, but it's time had passed. Why was I hanging on to all this old project information? Submittals, umpteen sets of the same drawings, specifications? It is all stuff I can get from the owner if I find I really need it. It was liberating and I find I have so much SPACE.

Do you find that you hang onto matter? Do you have boxes of stuff from grade school and clothes from years ago that haven't fit for years? Get RID of it. Give it to someone who can use it, recycle what can be, and throw the rest away.

When my dad passed away in April and my sister and I were going through his house, we found an old trunk full of my moms stuff from when she was a kid. We both felt like we should hang onto most of it then we finally said, how come we have never seen this stuff? In 40 some odd years, she had not taken this stuff out of the trunk. So, if it didn't mean that much to her why do we feel like we should keep it? She kept it but she never looked at it. The things that meant something to her were out on display. So we kept some momentos from the stuff that was out and got rid of the rest.

Things and stuff are not what is important. They just keep us connected to the earth because we are so caught up in our earthly existence. One has to become free of earthly possessions, which doesn't mean we have to get rid of everything and live in a cave. But to be free of them means we can give it up and not be devastated. Think of the folks down in the gulf. They found out real quick what was important and what wasn't. They are thankful just to be alive.

So, clean out a closet, go through a box - you won't miss it and it could be just what someone else needs. Happy purging!

Mickey on Crack

2005-09-26T22:32:00.000-04:00

or perhaps it is me who is on crack looking at Mickey. Remember those clouds you looked at as kids and saw rabbits and such. Or the Rorschach ink blot tests. I think there is a whole new evolution of this in the fractal world! What do you see in this?

Eye of God

2005-09-22T17:09:00.000-04:00

by GAC

I have been spending more time with Sensei in the last month or so and on two occasions he has given me the *eye*. The Eye that says YOU should be doing this, YOU should be getting this, it is YOU that needs to do this piece.

Sensei has pretty blue eyes. But when he turns those pretty blues on you and you see the eye of God instead, it is time to pay attention. A few months ago I would have been terrified or would have denied it. But I have been supercharged lately and so excited about doing my piece. It is because it is being done in a tangible way (thru the orchestra), and I can see how I fit in with that. It really is electrifying to glimpse your purpose.

On a completely different subject. If you have ever seen the eye of a whale up close, it looks just like this. God is in all things...

The Illusive Light

2005-09-14T22:56:00.000-04:00

By GAC

Do you look for the light in all things? When you are really pissed off at someone, do you look to understand the situation and remove yourself from the anger of it? That is a really hard thing to do.

There has been a lot of dissing in the media gossip columns about Kabbalah. They make fun of it because people like Britany Spears is getting into it and anything that girl does is fodder for the gossipers. But the truth is, they have it going on. I get an email a week from the Kabbalah Center in LA, and their approach centers around the Light. Letting the Light into your life - the illusive light. Its only illusive though because we are constantly turning away from it - because it is so bright and blinds us. But as soon as you turn your back on it you want it again.

Live Like You Were Dying

2005-09-12T22:04:00.000-04:00

Tim McGraw, photo courtesy of his website

I'm really not much of a country music fan, but Tim McGraw's new song is really good. (if I'd have known he was so cute I may have become a fan before now, hehe). If you haven't heard Live Like You Were Dying, keep an ear out for it. It is playing on mainstream radio stations, you don't have to endure the twangers to hear it.

Winter of Life

2005-09-07T11:24:00.000-04:00

Winter of Life, by Gretchen Coleman

You have all heard the term the winter of life, our golden years, retirement. And we have all heard stories of work-aholics who, on their deathbed, express regret at having missed out on their children's upbringing, or all those Thanksgiving dinners, etc.

So why are we so focused on the material world? You can't take it with you .... and you will be going, eventually.

I think it is part of the game. To overcome our self (ego) for our SELF (spirit). To see how many distractions we can ignore and focus on the point, or our purpose.

I can tell you I am failing miserably. But I am beginning to understand what I am doing (when I focus on material things) and am more able to recognize it. The key is to be out to understand and recognize it. If we all really thought about it or paid attention, we know when we are being selfish or materialistic. We may have every justification in the world, but that doesn't make it right. I'll give you a personal example. I play the violin in the BCO, but I never practice at home. I pretend that Sensei (our conductor) doesn't know it, but I sit right in front of him - I know he knows it. He drops subtle and not so subtle hints to us all about practicing. But my job is demanding, I travel a lot, I have a house to take care of, exercising to do, a husband to care for - not enough hours in the day. Well, what about those 2-3 hours I spend in front of the freaking tube? But, I've had a hard day and need to relax, yaddy, yah. Every excuse in the book.

I am beginning to understand more fully how playing in the orchestra is purposeful, giving and selfless. So will I devote more time to practicing? I'd like to say a definitive yes, but will settle for that is my intention. My intention is not to reach my golden years and have as a hobby watching TV. I want to still be playing the violin when I check out.

I'm Hooked!

2005-09-07T00:10:00.000-04:00

Surreal, by Gretchen Coleman

I could do this all night, it really is fascinating. But I really must go to bed.

Obscuring Your Center

2005-09-06T22:41:00.000-04:00

Confusion, by Gretchen Coleman

Do you encounter a lot of crap when you are trying to find your way to center? I do, I get stuck in matter all the time, it is really frustrating. Even when I try really hard to meditate and let go, all my matter comes crashing in.

I find it is more meditative for me to walk and commune with nature. I get more connections that way than sitting in a dark room saying ohm. That's just me, definitely not knocking those who can truly meditate, jealous in fact.

But walking clears my mind, I can see auras around the Virginia mountains and trees and I find I can talk to God easier. I don't think it matters how you center, but practicing it does matter. Even when it is hard, just trying to do it will bring you closer to success.

Anyway, this was my first foray into fractal art, and it looked like a bunch of obscurations around the center to me.

Help is on its way

2005-08-30T22:40:00.000-04:00

I was driving south on I-81 to Asheville, NC this afternoon when I was passed umpteen times by various emergency vehicles. When I finally started to pay attention to it I noticed a number of them from Fairfax County, which is up by the DC area. They were all headed to Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana to help with disaster relief. It really did my heart good to tangibly see help on its way.

It is interesting how the nation, and the world, bans together when a disaster occurs. My question is, if we banned together in normal times, would disasters occur?

Sensei Rocks!

2005-08-29T10:23:00.000-04:00

Photo by Eric Walter

The Bedford Community Orchestra concert last Saturday was a smashing good time! The event had to be moved indoors due to the crappy weather, but we had a really good turn out anyway.

Highlights of the show included an impromptu clogging exhibition by our drummer's daughter when we played Lord of the Dance. The audience went wild. Also, an incredible performance on the piccolo by our flutist Vicky Walter on Stars and Stipes Forever.

About the photograph: Isn't this a cool picture! Eric captured Sensei in motion. It is actually surprising that his body wasn't blurred as well. Sensei dances through every song!

Tangled Webs

2005-08-29T08:42:00.000-04:00

Photo by James D. Coleman

O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive - Walter Scott (not to be confused with Scott Walter)

Oh, what tangled webs parents weave when they think their children are naive - Ogden Nash

Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to believe - Lawrence J. Peters

Oh, what tangled webs we weave when we blame everything on ole Eve - Gretchen Coleman

About the photograph: This photo was taken yesterday in our front yard. The colorful subject is about half an inch long including the legs. If you look closely, you can see the web coming out of the abdomen - quite a shot! If anyone knows what kind of spider the little fellow is, please let me know.

PS: add your own quote!

Spiritual Blogs Get Some Press

2005-08-22T13:46:00.000-04:00

Spirituality

A post from Mark Walter's blog is on MSNBC.com/Newsweek site today (Sunday, 21 Aug, 2005).
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7681925/site/newsweek/?articleid=9024914

You can always get to Mark's blog from here by hitting the link, Building Bridges over the Great River, located to the left under Recommended Blogs.

BCO Concert this Saturday

2005-08-22T10:35:00.000-04:00

Music does a body good

I play second violin in the Bedford Community Orchestra. I started playing violin in the 5th grade and gave it up after high school. I thought about playing in college - I was asked to try out - but thought it would interfere in my quest to become an engineer.

But I kept my violin. A couple of years ago Jim and Sensei convinced me to play for the BCO. Sensei had recently become conductor and they really needed strings (I mean REALLY needed strings as I had not touched the thing since high school). That was one of the smartest moves I've made in a long time. I can't tell you how much fun it is.

And even though we are fairly small, we put out a big sound. Even more important, we are out to give our audience an experience. We might not hit every note, and sometimes we hit a few sour ones, but there is so much spirit in our playing that no one seems to care.

So, if you are in the Bedford, VA area next Saturday, August 27 at 7pmish, come to the D-Day Memorial, have a listen, and have a great experience.

Laughter really IS the Best Medicine

2005-08-22T10:03:00.000-04:00

Belly Laugh

Jim and I went to a Peru reunion party this past Saturday. We carpooled to Shipman, VA with Joyce and her husband Walter. The party was fun and relaxing - it was really good to see everyone who was able to make it. We spent some time each giving an update on their life since the trip and how the trip is continuing to influence each of us. It was really cool.

But the belly laugh came on the drive back to Bedford. Have you ever laughed for an hour and a half straight? The boys started telling heroic stories of saving their damsels in distress from various of natures beings. Snakes, possums, etc. The tellings were so vivid, we could see the rescue missions there in the car. And they were hilarious.

There is research that proves laughter is healthy. I believe it - although my stomach muscles hurt, and I may have pulled a groin muscle trying not to pee my pants - I am still riding that high. Find something to laugh at everyday, it's good medicine!

How Jim Got His Groove Back

2005-08-13T09:26:00.000-04:00

Photo by James D. Coleman

My husband, Jim will probably kill me when he realizes I snatched this photo off his computer before he could refine it. But it was just so cool looking, and he probably won't be up for hours, that I couldn't wait.

Jim being out on medical leave has been really hard on him. He is very dedicated to his job. But yesterday, he had an epiphany. After our session with Sensei on Thursday, he spent yesterday in meditation and prayer. When I got home from work, he was like a new person. The depression was gone, he sounded like he did 5 years ago when we were first married.

I really, really want to tell the whole story, but I am not going to. Mark and I have been encouraging Jim to start his own blog and I hope that he will start it with this story. He has it written up and I woke up to find it printed out and laying on my bedside table. I read it over my morning coffee and am still teary eyed over it. It was really beautiful, but best of all, I feel like my husband is back. He is excited and purposeful - full of purpose.

If he posts, I will put a link to it on this blog, and if he doesn't post, then I will tell more of the story later. It is a story that needs to be shared.

Finally, a Selfless Act

2005-08-13T09:14:00.000-04:00

Teaching a New Habit

On Thursday, Jim and I went to the Hombu so Sensei could do some body work on Jim. If you have read any of my previous posts you know Jim is having some health issues. Two of which are a tear in his right rotator cuff and a morton's neuroma in his right foot. I wanted to go to see if Sensei could show me some stuff to do between Jim's visits.

This will be hard to describe, but those who know Sensei will get it. The feeling was like being a kid in a candy store and being told to go for it. Sensei taught me how to work on Jim's foot to redirect the energy around the neuroma. That may not sound like it would give you the kid in the candy store feeling, but if you read my last post you might understand better. I finally felt like I would be doing a selfless act.

He started by showing me how to balance the energy between both of Jim's feet. This action is similar to some things I learned in Reiki 2. I had my thumbs on Jim's liver meridian at the spot between his big and second toes, at the web. I could actually feel the difference in the energy. It was almost like the thumb on the subject foot had an electric pulse under it. After balancing those two points, but with thumbs still on the points, I put my index fingers on the gall bladder line on the bottom of both feet kind of below the pad of the second to last toe. I then balanced the energy between both indexes, between indexes and thumbs on each individual foot, then between all four digits on both feet. Mind you I am getting precise instructions along the way, and occasionally Sensei would take over to see how I was doing.

Looking at the bottom of Jim's foot, you can physically see the jam point. After the above points were balanced and his energy was flowing, it was time to work the jam point. Sensei took over here because it was delicate work and if you don't know what you are doing you can cause more harm. But he taught me all along the way. When he applied different pressures, he would show me on my foot how it felt so I would know. When he really had the energy flowing, I took over and practiced keeping it going.

What he was doing was teaching Jim's body how to jumper out the neuroma. He was creating a new pathway for the energy to go so it wouldn't just sit there in the neuroma. Just as old habits die hard, new habits take some time to become an old habit. It will take some time for the energy to learn the new pathway. So my job now is to work on Jim's feet between visits to the best of my abilities. I am confident that I can help because I got one of the best compliments from Sensei after the session - "you did really well today". I know he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it.

I am confident that I can repeat the treatment and look forward to being able to do this for Jim everyday. Sensei explained that his work will be more effective if I can do my part between visits. Kid in the candy store feeling? You betcha!

I Got Scolded

2005-08-13T08:20:00.000-04:00

Deservedly so

I have been away for awhile, and apologize for that. When Mark scolded me, I tried to explain that I hadn't had anything to say. My last couple of posts have been kind of downers and I didn't want to continue in that vein, but that was how I was feeling. I finally got the boost out of the doldrums that I needed.

Last week I had a session with Sensei about service. I finally had the chance to tell him all about Peru (see posts below) and he asked me what was the most important thing I learned. I replied that I was shown what service was really about by the caballeros, and that I wanted to be that happy. With the velvet gun he sometimes uses, he hit me with both barrels. He pointed out that my current practice of service was really.....self service. That I don't mind doing someone a service as long as I get equal back in return. And he zinged several examples at me. That shit is hard to take, but damned if it ain't true.

So what am I going to do about it? Try. Work on it. Recognize it when it starts to happen - both when I am being selfish when I think I am not, and when I really am being selfless, and stand up for the latter. I know it will take time, ridding oneself of bad habits usually do. But that is where I am putting my intention. I intend to stop being so selfish.

Friends

2005-07-30T08:28:00.000-04:00

Strolling across Hollins

Isn't this the greatest picture? This was taken 5 years ago right after my wedding ceremony. The photographer caught some of the wedding party heading to their cars to go to the reception. By most attendee's accounts, my reception was the party of the year. It was great fun.

A lot has happened in the last 5 years. I have lost both my parents, my dad just a couple of months ago. My husband is having some serious health issues and is off work on medical leave. Since we worked together, there is a yawning hole there that a couple of us are attempting to fill. We are definitely getting an appreciation for the load he was carrying. Then there is the financial impact of him not working coupled with the tremendous amount of medical bills. Socialized health care is starting to look good to me.

I get asked a lot how I manage with all this going on. I think that basically I am a happy person, my outlook has always been pretty rosy. While I don't always look at these challenges as opportunities, I do strive for that. All three of my teachers (Sensei, Mark and Joyce) are helping me with that. And I also get weekly meditations from the Kabbalah Center in LA. It is uncanny how appropriate those are to what I am going thru each week.

So, what is the point of this post? Not sure. Maybe it is a tribute to my friends and family. Without their support I would probably be a raving lunatic.

Relieving Stress

2005-07-26T13:49:00.000-04:00

Blocking out the world

What works for you when you get totally overwhelmed by the world? Stay in bed? Scream at your loved ones? Go to the spa? Get a new haircut? Exercise? Eat? Blog?

I do all of those and none of them help. Well, sometimes exercise helps. Usually the stress is brought on by a task I don't want to do. Sometimes there are bunches of tasks and I can't prioritize them so only do the easy ones and put off the hard ones.

The thing that helps the most is doing the task and getting it over with. Since I know that, why don't I do that? Because it's hard? Because I'm stupid? Both. So I am blogging now instead of doing the task that needs to be done that I don't want to do.

When I really can't get off the dime, I schedule a session with Sensei. I don't know how he does it, but he is a great motivator. He has even pulled out a sheet of paper and helped me compose a letter to a particularly nasty client that I had been putting off dealing with. Well, I think how he does it is being for giving like all the time. He just does what it takes to get you over the hump. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes it takes weeks. But he sticks with it. I'm so lucky.

Caballero

2005-07-19T08:26:00.000-04:00

Felipe

Are you sick of hearing about Peru? No? Good. This is Felipe, one of my team of mule handlers. He always came running to help La Senora off or on her mule. (I'm not sure anyone of the Peruvian persuasion ever learned my name. No real surprise, my sister was 6 before she could pronounce it.)

The caballeros on the trek were amazing people. They truly know the meaning of service. In fact, all the trek crew were amazing. When we got up each morning the mess crew brought us each a tub of hot water to wash in and a cup of tea. After breakfast, which was always delicious, there was a pot of boiled water and one of hot coca tea to fill your water bottle.

Even after the first day they started carrying our daypacks for us. Mind you, we were mostly on horses (or mules as it were) and they were mostly on foot. Yet they carried our packs for us. Felipe carried mine almost every day. I didn't ask, he just came and after a few hand signals I relinquished my pack.

You should have seen these guys on the last day of our trek. We came to a spot where we crossed the river on a swinging bridge. Since this was the end for the horses, the crew unloaded all our camping gear from the pack horses, strapped it on their own backs and hiked the last mile, mile and a half to the basket tram.

We were all so overwhelmed with their generosity of spirit that we wanted to do something special. All of the costs for their services, including gratuity, was covered in the cost of the trip. But we all wanted to do more. So we passed the hat and had a little ceremony to show our gratitude. You would have thought we had given each of them a million dollars. They were so grateful for the extra money. We later found out that they made as much in this 5 days as they would in 4-5 months if they had "regular" jobs. Sad to think.

This knowledge had quite an effect on all of us. We put so much value on material possessions, and to some extent, expect to be served. Here was a group with little material wealth who were so happy to help us in any way they could. And they did not expect anything in return. Jerry, who spoke for all of us in the ceremony, said it best - we are grateful to you who have so much, from us who have so little.

San Pedro Blue

2005-07-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

Stone on the Inca Trail

Part of the purpose of going to Peru with the group from Pochen Kanchay was to experience the healing energy of the plant kingdom. While some of these plants can be manufactured into something less than healing, if taken in small quantities in their more original form, they can be very restorative.

One such plant is commonly known as San Pedro. We did two San Pedro ceremonies, the first of which was about a shot glass worth and had little effect. Don Theo purposely did this to show us that this was not something we should fear or worry about getting addicted to. The second ceremony, taken at Machu Picchu, was about a juice glass worth. Confident from the first experience, I really opened up to this event. After drinking the medicine we meditated for a few minutes. I saw this incredible color of blue everywhere, eyes closed or open. It was truly beautiful.

Shortly we got up to hike the Inca Trail to Winay Wayna, a round trip of 12 miles. The first part of the hike took us up to the Sun Gate, the official entry to the city of Machu Picchu. It was quite a jaunt, uphill all the way. During this part of the hike I was having a waking regression. I had known for many years that Machu Picchu had a special meaning to me even though I didn't know anything about it, including that it was in Peru. I found out why on this hike.

As I was climbing to the Sun Gate, I found that I was only stepping on certain stones, which was making the going a little tougher than it needed to be. It was as if some stones were missing or there were stones where there shouldn't be stones. It was a very odd sensation. Since I was keeping an eye on where I was stepping I happened to glance at my feet and that is exactly what I saw, my bare feet, or someone's bare feet. They were small, brown and had some bowlegs attached. Interesting.

As I continued to walk, it seemed that the weight in my backpack was getting heavier. I looked over my shoulder to take a look and instead of seeing my backpack I saw a papoose with a young girl, maybe 1.5-2 years old, in it. As soon as I saw her I had the whole story. This was my granddaughter and I was on my way to take her to her mother in Winay Wayna. I was very sad because her father, my son, had just been killed. This vision lasted until I reached the Sun Gate. I think because we stopped there as a group for a rest I came back to the present time. And as we continued to Winay Wayna I hiked with a small group where I had hiked alone before.

The trail to Winay Wayna was also difficult, at times very steep. It was along this section that I noticed the occasional blue stone in the path. The blue was the exact color I had seen while meditating at Machu Picchu.

At Winay Wayna we had some time to meditate and take in the site. It was quite gorgeous. Much much smaller than Machu Picchu. During this meditation I saw myself as a toddler chasing butterflies along the terraces. I was very happy. I do not know if it was the same girl who became the grandmother, or if I have lived there twice. We later had a lesson from Pepe and Don Theo. I found out that Winay Wayna, which means Forever Young, was where the children were raised. That is why I saw myself as a young girl and why I was taking my granddaughter there. Later, when discussing the difficulty of the trek between Machu Picchu and Winay Wayna, Pepe explained that the Incas regularly made that journey barefoot. No surprise to me.

Ayahuasca

2005-07-15T18:46:00.000-04:00

Mulito Bonito

2005-07-15T17:21:00.000-04:00

Me and my burro

Who would have thought one of the most significant things I learned on my trip to Peru would be from a mule? After all, I went with one of the most recognized Incan Shamans, Don Theo Paredes (who I also learned plenty from).

Our 5 day horse and hiking trek to Machu Picchu started after a 3-4 hour drive into the boonies to where our horses were waiting. I was the last person to be assigned a mount, so was the only person on a mule - my compadres were all on horses. I was happy though because I didn't know I was on a mule - equestrawhat?

My friend Joyce, who was the only person on the trip that I knew, was having some difficulty getting comfortable on her horse. Her curvature of the spine, combined with the minute saddle, was giving her a problem. While they were getting her situated they told the rest of us to head down the trail. It wasn't until we stopped some hours later that I found that Joyce wasn't coming on the trek. I was horrified. Not being very outgoing around people I don't know, I was tinged with a bit of panic. I wasn't at all worried about Joyce as she is happy entertaining herself.

After lunch my "team" of three caballeros hoisted me back on my mount (the last again) and off we went. As a little aside - most were having some difficulty getting on the horses. Our caballeros did not understand the term "leg up", our hiking boots were way too big for the stirrups and there was no horn on the saddle to pull yourself with. I will admit that I was one of the few who never did get the hang of it and thanked God everyday for my handlers. They also got me down, after 3-4 hours backside, my knees were trashed.

But I digress. The rest of that afternoon was spent switchbacking our way up to almost 16,000 ft. I literally thought my horse (still thinking its a horse) was going to die. Everytime he paused to take a breath the caballeros bringing up the rear would yell "MULAY" and thump the poor creature on the rump. Of course, I am hanging on for dear life and leaning slightly towards the uphill side of the trail. Mind you, this trail was barely one horse wide and a slight glance to the downhill side I was sure would send us over the edge.

We finally reached our campsite and promptly all got sick from the altitude. The one saving grace of Joyce not being along was I had all her camping gear - two mats, two sleeping bags, double the warm clothes. I think I was the only one that night who was warm. We camped right beneath the sacred mountain Salcantay which tops out around 21,000 ft give or take an inch or two.

Next morning, feeling toasty and refreshed, we remounted and headed for the pass summit, another 880 meters. After some time at the summit we hiked down. After a bit of walking we took off riding again. It was somewhere along this trek where I finally connected the dots. The encouraging "MULAY", combined with the long ears and distinct bray, I knew I was on a donkey. Not realizing there is a difference between a donkey and a mule, I promptly renamed my mount Eddie Murphy, in honor of his portayal of Donkey in the Shrek movies.

It was also during this stretch that it dawned on me that my donkey was systematically trying to kill me. By bringing up the rear, I had a lot of time to observe the other horse's behavior. Those worthy mounts gingerly stepped AROUND the boulders in the pathway while my burro would calmly stop at each one then merrily leap OVER the boulder. If the caballeros did not learn any other English on the trip, they became very familiar with the terms "Holy Crap!", "Jesus, Mary and Joseph", and "Criminetly Eddie". Now you know why my knees were trashed - leaning backwards on the saddle and straightening my legs in the stirrups were the only things keeping me from taking a dive.

This behavior of Eddie's lasted up until the end. But after the third day I was getting used to it and could anticipate whether he would go around or leap over. And the trails were getting wider and easier by the 4th day and were cakewalk by the 5th. The 5th and last day on the trail was quite amazing for my mule (around day 4 Harriette told me the difference between a donkey and a mule - so Eddie was renamed to Mulito Bonito). We were on a road by then with only slight grades. MB was like a new mule - he was downright frisky. He had been doing nothing but plodding along at the tale end, but that day, he actually galloped. On several forays into the world of speed he passed some loftier steeds until he was well into the middle of the pack. And if someone tried to pass him he'd throw them the evil eye and cut them off. He only settled down when he found his favorite butt to follow.

So what did I learn from my mule? Perserverance. This trek taxed me physically and emotionally. My pony was an outsider, the only mule, and I felt like an outsider without Joyce. But he perservered to stay up with the rest of the horses and I perservered through some uncomfortable situations to make some friends. Leaps of faith. When faced with uncertain steps my burro went right thru them instead of going around them. I reached a point the second day where I just made myself talk to the others as if it didn't bother me. Not sure now what the fuss was about. Opportunity. When the opportunity came to join the steeds and show his mettle, he took it, and was accepted into the pack. By the third or 4th day, there were definitely 6 or 7 people I was totally comfortable with and by a few more days, we were all a pretty tight group. Adversity has a way of doing that.

Without realizing it at the time, for those 5 days, I was emulating my mule.

Going to visit our peeps

2005-06-29T22:03:00.000-04:00

Manchu Picchu

I'm off to Peru on Friday for two weeks. Joyce and I are going on a spiritual journey. We both have a strong pull to the South American Indians and Machu Picchu in particular. It feels like we are going home.

In the immortal words of Bridget Jones...don't say anything important while I'm gone!

Average Joe

2005-06-28T22:14:00.000-04:00

Can you be any more average than Ken? Disproportionate anatomy aside, Ken is your average Joe.

My friend Mark and I were talking a few days ago about being average Joes, although I think we actually used Shmoe instead of Joe. We were talking about how our Sensei is such an extraordinary person, truly, that sometimes his followers don't think they can "do" the things he does, like channel heaven. But two times in the last couple of weeks there was no doubt, none, that Mark was doing the same thing. His advice was straight from heaven. And I was exclaiming about how extraordinary he was and he totally shot me down on that, claiming extreme ordinariness, almost to the point of doofussness. And I was arguing against it when it finally dawned on me that he was a doofus. But if a doofus such as Mark can make these extraordinarily insightful observations and can tune my loop (for you controls geeks), then surely anyone can do it.

When I made that realization, he just looked at me like "took you long enough, and you thought I was the doofus". The point is, you don't have to be the Dalai Lama, the Pope or anyone considered "special". All you have to be is...willing.

Willing to turn towards the light, away from darkness. Willing to calm yourself and center. Willing to look like a doofus to make a point to someone who needs it.

What do you think of Reincarnation?

2005-06-26T11:12:00.000-04:00

Coming in again

Here is a subject that polarizes a lot of people. Having grown up in a fairly inclusive church, Disciples of Christ, I always thought the church was pretty progressive. But they still teach us that the life ever after doesn't start until the after part. After death.

I disagree for several reasons. First, I have had some past life experiences that are undeniable. I will tell you about one. I was attending a campout at the Hombu and we did a group meditation led by Sensei. I found myself on the Great Wall of China as a defender. I was a warrior defending the wall. I can still see the clothes I wore and have done some research trying to find samples of outfits from anytime during the warring years. No luck so far finding anything on it. But I have a written description of the outfit to compare when I have more time to do research.

During the meditation, I was "walking my beat" when I noticed, in real time, an intense pain in my left thigh. And I mean intense. I was thinking that I needed to open my eyes to see what was going on, when instead I just looked down. There was an arrow sticking out of my thigh on the Great Wall. I then looked around and realized I was in the middle of a skirmish. It was a very interesting experience. Someday I will travel to China and find that length of wall. I know I will recognize it when I see it.

Another reason I disagree is straight from the Book of John. We did a class on that book of the bible at the Hombu and boy was it enlightening. It comes right out and talks about reincarnation. John 1, ver 21 for one example.

Consider this: Jesus' favorite "title" for Himself is Son of Man, with a capital S. Man is Adam who represents all of humanity. A son of Man is a descendent of humanity or Adam. But the Son of Man is the original Man or Adam. Jesus is reincarnated Adam, and came back to atone for the mistake made in the Garden of Eden. The bible says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. The last soul you see will be the first one you were.

I think Mel Gibson has some sort of idea about this whether it is conscious or not. In his film Passion of the Christ, the scene where Jesus was getting whipped to a bloody pulp and the fellows doling it out were clearly enjoying it. And why wouldn't they? They are punishing the guy who started the whole mess.

Where I think religion gets it wrong is to say that Jesus showed us the Way when they mean live your life by being kind, help the poor, love your enemy, etc. They are taking things literally. I think Jesus showed us the Way alright, but what he was showing is what you have to go through to delete your bad Karma and rise into 7th Heaven for good. And his bad Karma was the worst, but he did it. He showed us how to hold a point and center. That is the Way we should be following.

What do you think?

Movement

2005-06-19T20:58:00.000-04:00

Over the last two weeks I have had three friends talk to me about movement. Sensei was the first, Joyce second and now Mark. I mentioned to Mark about that and he pointed out that it is all coming from the same place. He is so right.

So what about movement? I am constantly waiting for someone else to do something before I do something. "Well, if Mark would just get the car out of the garage, then we could rearrange the shelves and start taking pictures of all the collectibles." The truth is I could just move the car out of the garage myself and let it sit out. Then I say, well, we need to get the tree cut down first before I move the car out. The truth is I can park the car at the office, which would make it easier on Mark in the first place. This is just one example. I have countless others.

The point is, instead of waiting for someone else to make a move, I need to make the move. I do it at work all the time. I don't hesitate to get moving. I put way more energy into my job than I do my personal purpose. That is so ludicrous. Oh well, I'm going to make a move right now...I'm going to roam the blogosphere and then move on over to the bed!

Good Advice

2005-06-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

I was chatting with my friend Joyce last week at the Hombu and thru the course of our conversation, she made the observation that I am always preparing for the worst. "What if my husband gets worse? I need to prepare for that, just in case." Once she asked me why I was preparing for the worst, I realized that I prepare for the worst in many, many things. She said (and if you know Joyce, you know the tone of voice she used), "you're so busy preparing for the worst, that you aren't doing anything to prevent the worst from happening. Why aren't you preparing for the best?" Something to that affect.

Then she said, "Surely goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life." The Bible says Surely; not maybe, not probably, but surely. But if one goes around preparing and looking for the worst to happen, they miss out on the goodness that is just following them around. So, I am preparing for the best to happen, I'm done preparing for the worst.

Who was Hitler?

2005-06-13T18:16:00.000-04:00

If you read my entire profile you will see I have an interest in Hitler. Not to panic, I'm not a Nazi. (I'm sure I just made the CIA's watch list) My interest lies in how did this one guy get so many people to do such awful things? And if there is a God, why did he let it happen?

One way to look at it is this. God is ALL things right? I mean, we say that all the time. Well, if He really is ALL things, then he is good and evil. Before you get upset, think about that. He is every thing. One theory is this: the world needed a reason to come together. A catalyst for change was needed. So God in Heaven is sitting around asking for volunteers to go down to Earth and polarize things. The soul who became known as Hitler was the only one who didn't step backwards when the volunteer was asked for.

So this soul gave up that one lifetime to accomplish that goal, and he accomplished it all right. The man was and is and will be hated for all time. History is not going to forget. But look at how the world came together over it.

And think of what he really gave up. Think of the Karma he took on. Perhaps we should admire that soul who answered that call. Then again, I could be wrong.

Honoring Your Father

2005-06-13T17:24:00.000-04:00

My dad recently passed away. He was a real sweet guy. The sad thing is I didn't really know him that well. I am discovering now what an incredibly purposeful life he led and how I can learn from it.

One area I am working on in this life is apathy. Things get rough for me and I bail. Sensei has helped me see that my dad has set a great example for me to see how to care instead of vamoose. My dad has had some rough times, particularly when my mom was sick with cancer. He ended up taking care of her for several years. She got to the point where she could not get out of bed by herself and really couldn't hold up her end of a conversation - brain tumor - whole head radiation.

But my dad cared for her until she finally went into Hospice - he did a really great job. Now I am in a similar situation. My husband is off work on medical leave with a laundry list of problems. It's a long story, but the point is, my first instinct was to close off and make plans for being by myself, one way or another. But I am not going to do that - what a fool I would be. I have the most wonderful husband, who needs me, and who is providing me a means to learn this lesson. I hope in learning it I will honor both of my Fathers.